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By Michael Kaughginu, July 31st, 2007
Maybe if you were as specfuckingtacular to hang out with as you think, your significant other wouldn't prefer virtual company in an online world. There is no excuse for incessant whining about how World of Warcraft stole your God damn boyfriend, girlfriend, fuck buddy, mate, spouse, Smizmar, or whatever the fuck you call the person you’re stuck on like a wart. If a video game is acquiring more attention than your date nights, the problem isn’t the game. The problem is you.
When faced with an extreme case of addiction, it is all well and good to consider intervention. Neglecting responsibilities, sleep, and routine showers is a bad situation. However, if someone has a hobby, who are you to judge? You don’t throw a shitfit when they’re stamp collecting, model airplane flying, playing racquetball, photoshopping cocks into mouths, or stretching out their asshole and posting photos of it on the Internet. So why is it such a problem when it involves a chair, a bucket, a few empty water bottles, and an hour or seven of World of Warcraft?
Substitute this multiplayer online adventure with kayaking and you'll see how retarded it is to lament someone's intense interest and hardcore devotion to World of Warcraft.
"Ever since Dave got into kayaking," says Sally, Dave's girlfriend of three years, "I hardly ever see him anymore. I miss him."
All Dave wants to do with his spare time is go kayaking, you see. He used to enjoy coming home from his job as an accountant, having some dinner while watching Friends with Sally, before turning in and reading a novel until sleep overtook him.
One day at work, his friend Jim introduced him to kayaking, and after his first trip, he was hooked. Now, he spends every moment of his spare time kayaking. He has tried to get Sally into it, but she just doesn’t seem to catch on, and is perplexed that she doesn't find it as exhilarating as he does.
For Dave to be happy, he needs to be with someone who shares his passion for kayaking. Sally will blame kayaking for her failed relationship, because it's just too hard to for someone to acknowledge that the only consistent factor in all of one's dissatisfying relationships is themselves.
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For Sally to be happy, she needs to be with a boring slob who doesn't do anything but hang out with her. She needs to be the center of attention. That's fine. There are tons of schmucks like that in the world. She should have no problem finding one.
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Dave will probably miss the pussy, but not miss the nagging imposition on his new hobby. When he meets a chick who digs kayaking as much as he does, he'll be free to go kayaking with her anytime he pleases.
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