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TECHNOLOGY
You're lucky to have me as your IT guy. So, in fairness and as a sign of respect, here are ten things you should know about our business relationship and the services I offer.
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TECHNOLOGY
Why do I need a full one minute instructional guide on how to speak into a phone after the greeting but before the beep?
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SEX
Maybe if you were as specfuckingtacular to hang out with as you think, your significant other wouldn't prefer virtual company in an online world.
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HUMANITY
Need it hauled away? Want it done slowly and expensively? Then you need to hire The World's Most Expensive Junk Removing Whiners.
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HUMANITY
No matter where you go, he'll be right behind you. Through all the trials and tribulations, he'll always have your back. When you're down in the dumps, he'll be there.
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TECHNOLOGY
Whether I need DVDs or a home theater system to enjoy midget on goat action, my consumer electronics store always manages to fuck me six ways from Sunday.
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ROUTE66
Many believed the early 21st century as a time where flying cars would be common. Unfortunately, the cars of tomorrow will only fly in the clouds of our dreams.
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ROUTE66
Flash a sign appropriate to the occasion to a neighboring driver to let them know that their traffic infraction is not only a disrespect to you, but other drivers among you.
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NEWS
Fox News's Bill O'Reilly fires back at sexual harassment allegations at a press conference, claiming his former producer's allegations are not fair and balanced.
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HUMANITY
The sanctity you once cherished living with mom is over and you'll be forced to live with a cretin who abuses your groceries, dishes, and hygiene products.
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NEWS
Film pirates must already ask themselves if illegally taping a movie is worth the court fines. Soon, sneaky cinema-goers have to ask themselves a new question: Do they feel lucky?
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NEWS
The night before was filled with steamy passion and erotic desire as intrepid reporter Steven Cleamer totally had your mother last night.
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NEWS
In a desperate move to get Web sites to better adhere to standards, fans and supporters of the ATTAFTDODTDA launched protests against furniture stores throughout the Midwest.
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SEX
It's become a startling fact that people these days are too lazy to regard sex with even the slightest bit of effort.
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HUMANITY
There's something alluring and noble about the samurai. Maybe it's their cool in the face of danger and their immutable stoicism, their sly tricks against enemies and code of honor amongst friends, or maybe it's that big sword.
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