The Curious Case of Ingesting Ivermectin

Feeble-minded drones buried balls deep in the unforgiving world of social media went completely insane when Joe Rogan recorded a video admitting he enjoyed a tasty cocktail that included ivermectin to treat his COVID-19 symptoms. Even though it didn't help him grow his hair back or give him a couple extra inches to get on carnival rides, it did make quick work of his case of the coof. The famous podcaster was back to juggling kettlebells and snorting lines of DMT the following day.

Were people thrilled to hear of Rogan's recovery? Of course not. Angry media personalities and the titless, grey-haired Subaru drivers who follow them were outraged, commenting that his concoction was exclusively formulated for horse deworming. As such, he should've eaten shit and died for not eating shit and dying.

Rogan's continued existence flew in the face of fake news; one particular story coming from an ER doc claimed rural folks were overdosing on the infamous horse paste. The resulting hospitalizations climbed to such a degree that a swath of gunshot victims couldn't get medical care in a town with a population smaller than a flock of illegals camping under a Texas bridge. To the surprise of anybody with the IQ of a dilation rod, the story was quickly debunked and proven to be a lie, but that didn't stop bitter lesbians and the black women who hate them from continuing to push it on their fledgling cable news shows.

Despite a human version of the drug and its long-established track record of safely treating billions of individuals with ailments ranging from parasites to inflammatory viral infections, the conceited masses firmly attached to the supple teats of Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg have vehemently refused to explore Mr. Ed's medicine cabinet. These belligerent idiots believe that medications can't treat more than one ailment, humans and animals don't share drugs, and Coke Zero isn't as gay as Diet Coke.

The jury is still out in some circles of ivermectin's efficacy against COVID-19, but many studies remain underway. Still, its instant rejection is swifter than an autistic LARPer with facial tattoos at a job interview. Whether people fear the fate that ended Seabiscuit or object to adding another tablet to a prized mountain of type 2 diabetes medications, the anti-ivermectin bandwagon is open to all. Everyone is welcome from irrelevant music magazines with zero credibility to hunky Instagram doctors demanding everyone wear masks unless you're on a boat in Miami about to plow a half-dozen whores.

A double standard exists in closing the barn door on ivermectin's touted versatility. Keyboard warriors make no arguments on the reliance of pharmaceuticals, identity politics, or biochemical treatments to manage fragility, but ivermectin doesn't get the same opportunity to prove itself. Karens across the world resent Joe Rogan's rapid return to health as they pound benzodiazepines daily, but the irony is ultimately lost on them. Their cocktail of Xanax and Ambien not only helps them sleep at night, but also provides the dual-purpose utility of compartmentalizing the painful reality that their distant husbands are out perfecting the art of sucking cock.

Likewise, paranoid sociopaths teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown have no qualms saturating their bodies with powerful hormone modifications, but draw the line at chowing down on nag pulp to knock out a fever. Their indignance is only surpassed by a litany of pronouns and the reminders to use them. Besides, humongous back titties don't make a blue-haired Starbucks barista a woman any more than an angry 6-foot-tall GameStop customer built like a linebacker makes a dude, right? Why can't a midget who also identifies as a UFC commentator smoke some stallion dust?

Finally, there is the science; a method of proving or disproving hypotheses through testing and observation should easily end this debate. However, this practice is now a weapon used by news and social media elites to criticize those who wish to actually see it in action. Today, the desire to apply the scientific process to ivermectin clearly indicates you're a homophobic race-baiting Trump supporter who jerked off twice on January 6th into a folded United States flag. Put on your tinfoil hat and stick your head into a microwave, bigot.

In a world endlessly challenging the conventional wisdoms of medicine, ivermectin has become the latest victim of cancel culture. Even if its later determined that it has absolutely no impact against COVID-19 and only allowed patients to familiarize themselves with aisle nine at Tractor Supply, no kidney stone should be left unturned in the quest to fight a disease that kills less people than the FDA-approved standard American diet.