Wearing a Mask in 2023 Is a Statement That You're Retarded

Although the evidence that masks are useless against viruses is easily proven by the fact you will choke to death smelling my Applebee's Brew Pub Loaded Waffle Fry farts while wearing one, there are still idiots today donning the infamous blue-colored face diaper when they decide to begrudgingly interact with the outside world.

Conformity through fear is no longer the driving factor of affixing a stupid napkin made in China to an equally stupid face. Masks are now mainly an empty statement, a bland recipe for self-righteous indignation seasoned with a heavy dash of denial. Actual science won't change their minds as today's mask-wearing dolts saunter around busy public spaces, happy to interact with disgusting surfaces touched by thousands of disgusting people.

The reason for wearing a mask today has nothing to do with health. It plays no role in preventing the tiniest microbe from infiltrating mucus membranes, despite taking a solitary walk or driving alone in a vehicle. While the world carries on without masks, those who still cling to them are ultimately justifying the bridges they burned during the lockdowns. After all, why would you want to associate with anti-maskers and their selfish, conspiracy theory-loving, white supremacist ways? It may have been a tough sell, but alienating co-workers, ending decades-long family relationships, and brushing off best friends comes at the cost of never admitting you were wrong.

Some still argue the necessity for masks is a precaution against other potential health risks, likely signed off by a medical professional who operates a practice with nurses each functioning on no less than 10,000 calories per day. If a mask is included in your prescription regimen along with the entire Nestlé product line, congratulations! Both you and your doctor are fucking retarded!

The world population continues to suffer from a starvation of attention, yet nothing is more hypocritical to the Hippocratic oath than a mask. Our braindead culture is more interested in appealing to vanity instead of a two-digit A1C. Masks were a ridiculous, bullshit notion to begin with by nature of the germs the immune system must contend with by simply putting one on. Likewise, countless politicians and elites who kept getting caught in droves attending fancy soirées not wearing them had no reservations shaming, firing, declining basic services, or wishing death upon those of us who did the same thing.

It's time to wake up and smell the sanctimony. Your mask is only protecting you from reality. Okay, fine. You were an insufferable shit to people who used to be important to you. And yeah, you became a huge festering pussy who somehow forgot your body fights off gazillions of pathogens every single day without the consent of Anthony Fauci. It's never too late to change, though. You can make new friends and, with a lot of luck, at least patch things up with one of your cats.

The only way to find the true path to redemption and cast off the mask suffocating common sense is to realize that wearing one, in 2023, is fucking retarded.